Mourning Easter

I've read somewhere that once you've been a part of a religious community and then decide to leave the church, you're more likely to mourn the loss of your religion. I like to think that you're not just losing your community, but your faith, belief, and rituals.

I stopped going to church in my first or second year of college. The breaking point was the day the priest decided to preach about loving the sinner, but hating the sin, and he literally said that we should not be tolerate of gay lifestyles. And I could not understand how he reconciled those two points. We had to hate the lifestyle and be intolerant of their actions, but we had to love the person? Someone's actions are a part of who they are. To me, it also seems that someone's lifestyle is a part of who they are, so rejecting their actions and lifestyle is essentially rejecting that person. I refuse to reject someone just because they like the same-sex instead of the opposite-sex. It was that day when I walked out of the church and never looked back. I don't regret it either, and I find myself much happier without church and religion. I am much happier without the cognitive dissonance between what the church tells us to value and the church's actual actions.

I recently read a piece about Mary Magdalene, which led to subsequent Wikipedia searches about the Gospel and Mary Magdalene's background. Honestly, the stories that I read about Christ's resurrection and the Gospels just seem like nonsense. Ever since I was a kid, I had an extremely hard time believing in Christ, and once I finally believed, I constantly questioned why he died for our sins when he was such a good person. Why wasn't it me, the lowly sinner, who was punished? The answer to that question now seems irrelevant since I no longer believe. Jesus just seems like some crazy guy, and maybe he was made up in the first place by people who wanted the obedience of others. I don't know. Nothing can be proven.

Easter doesn't seem to be as big a deal up North than it is down South. I always knew when Easter was coming when I lived in Louisiana because Spring Break for schools aligned with Easter. We were always either off on Good Friday and through the next week or we were off the week of Holy Week and went back to school the Monday after Easter. Here in Pennsylvania, they don't even get Good Friday off. Easter just seemed a blip on my radar, and I sometimes forgot Easter was coming up this Sunday.

I don't miss going to church for Easter, and I had a particularly large disdain for Easter Mass since the incense they used made it difficult for me to breathe. But I do miss the feast. I bought a small slice of ham, some potatoes, and green beans. I'm going to make the usual potato salad and green bean casserole, but I wonder if I even deserve it since I no longer believe. Do I have the right to celebrate with food even though I'm celebrating something that doesn't matter to me? Holidays feel empty now, and they also feel like a drag. Spending time with family used to be fun, but now I can't wait to get away. Spending time with family isn't so bad when they don't focus on religion, but avoiding religion is nearly impossible when on one side, my grandpaw was a deacon, and on the other side, my grandmaw is always volunteering with the church in one way or another.

I guess I wish that holidays had some significance to me, but now most holidays feel empty. Perhaps it's because I no longer have faith or maybe it's because I no longer share the same beliefs as my family. I'm longing for the ritual of feast (but not the rituals of church), but it's hard to feel into it, like I was when I was a kid.

B - Bears

Bears are funny creatures. I like to think they're curious, hungry, and a bit sleepy all the time. Really, look at these bear cubs here, are they not the sleepiest things you've seen? In all seriousness, I don't condone owning wild animals, and I think approaching wild animals is a terrible idea.

Recently, while looking up reference pictures to see how to draw a bear, I discovered that brown bears and black bears do not behave the same. For example, if you counter a brown bear, it's better for you to play dead because brown bears are more aggressive and will attack moving things. On the other hand, if you encounter a black bear, you should wave your hands and make a lot of noise because black bears are a bit shy. I like to think of myself as a black bear, even though I drew my icon as a brown bear.

In Pennsylvania, it's actually not uncommon for bears to end up in towns. Sometime last year, a bear actually walked through downtown, to a park, and finally back into the forests. The police actually followed it as it walked through the town, and that was probably the most action the police got since State Paddy's day.

So may all of you who encounter bears, encounter a black bear.

BEARS

Dull claws with large paws

Fluffy noses for smelling

Dig and eat then sleep

A is for Apples

An apple a day keeps the doctor away, or at least that is what they say. Lately, I haven't been buying as many apples. HOW DARE I?! I used to buy apples all the time when I lived in Louisiana, and they were my go-to fruit. My favorite apple was the Fuji, crisp, juicy, and delicious. It was totally worth the extra ten cents for my favorite apples, but up here, in Pennsylvania, Fuji apples are $2.99, a whole dollar more than the Red Delicious apple, and $1.20 cents more than the Gala apples when they are on sale. This is a travesty!! According to USDA, Pennsylvania's apple prices are on the high side.

Sometimes I wish I could be like the people who buy food without looking at the prices, but every time I see that $2.99 price, I cringe, and those Fuji apples are thick, too. Buying just four apples costs about $4.00. I would have to keep my eyes closed extra tight as I pick up the apples and put them in my bag. Instead of being an everyday snack, apples have become an indulgence for me. How sad...I miss you dear apples, and I have written a haiku for you with our fond memories.

APPLES

Red, Pink, Yellow, Green

Juicy and a seeded core

Crisp and delicious