In my undergraduate sophomore year in college, every time I had a test or quiz, the same scene would play out.
"I'm gonna fail!" I would exclaim while stressing over the pages in front of me, but my roommate rolled her eyes. "No, you're not."
And she was always right. I almost always passed with A's and sometimes B's. I only failed one quiz in my college career, and I dropped the class soon after that once I realized I had spread myself too thin. I agonized over my decision to drop the class, and I felt like a complete failure. I had even spoke with a professor about my decision, and he seemed very nonchalant about the whole situation. He had dropped many classes before, and he was no where near perfect. Even though he had a Ph.D., he actually had made C's in his undergraduate years. To him, dropping one class wasn't a big deal, but to me, it felt like a mountain.
I was reminded of this memory while listening to Hermoine Granger fret over her O.W.L.S. in the sixth book, Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince. I completely understood how she felt, as she started to convenience herself that she was going to fail every single test. In the end, Hermoine got top marks, but she was still disappointed that she didn't get the very top mark for one class. Almost all outstanding and one exceeds expectations, and she felt like a failure.
I frequently have that problem. I constantly feel like a failure even when one thing goes wrong. I forgot to check the quotations in this manuscript; I'm a failure. I didn't manage to vacuum the floors this Saturday; I'm a failure. I made an awkward joke and it fell flat; I'm a failure.
It's cliche to constantly repeat that everyone makes mistakes, but it's true. It's okay to make a mistake. It's okay to mess up. It's as common as people passing stools. It's just a thing we must accept in life, but it's still really hard to accept. Do I have any worth if I make mistakes? If I don't get straight A's or have the best work performance, do I even deserve any good feelings that may be sent my way?
And this is where self-compassion comes in. Self-Compassion is sort of the "new" self-esteem. It's about forgiving yourself and treating yourself with kindness. I'm not very good at, but I am trying to practice it. I practice it by giving myself a break, even if I haven't finished all my work. I practice by forgiving myself for missing an email, and reminding myself that I'm not an idiot, just overwhelmed. I also practice self-compassion by taking a deep breath whenever my brain tries to bully me and convince me I'm worthless, and then reminding myself that making one mistake doesn't mean I'm worthless. It just means I'm human.
